Day: 9 November 2004

..that you just feel like listening to sad music and making yourself cry.

Don’t ask me why – I have so many things to be happy about right now that it’s quite beyond me what the problem is….

Don’t know what’s come over me tonight…

Decided at the last minute to attempt to repair (by dismantling and cleaning out) my old keyboard which I love using (it’s a Logitech Elite) but sadly has been sitting in a cupboard since I spilt an entire tumbler of coke all over it and turned it into a paperweight.

All was going fine until, in my impatience to get it dry after washing, I decided to hit it with the heat gun and completely fucked it. Suffice to say that my heat gun is a lot hotter than a hair dryer, and that plastic melts bloody easily…

Anyway it was just a bit out of shape…. a couple of keys were a bit sticky (sticky as in not popping back out, as opposed to sticky because of being melted) but it was otherwise usable, I could have easily removed the keys that were dodgy (they were such uncommonly used keys as “alt” and that blasted windows key so I could have done without them) – but I managed to get myself into a fit of rage and demolish the thing completely. I should have taken photos.

Now I’m sort of uncontrollably listless… I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, can’t sit still, and don’t really know what to do with myself.. it’s one of the worst episodes I’ve had in a while. Just had a game of BZFlag but it didn’t seem to help, I’m still sort of screaming quietly to myself (I’ve done my screaming out loud, now it’s just a dull throb inside) and I don’t know what I should do…

What an interesting day!

I could dribble on for a bit here about all the things that happened, but I’m not sure if I should or not. I mean really, blog is short for “weblog”, right – so this thing should be a log of things, whether it’s things that happen to the writer, or things that the writer thinks about.

It’s occured to me that I tend to write a lot about things that happen, and a lot less about things that I think about. Which would give some the impression that I don’t think about things very much, when sadly, that is not the case. In fact, I probably think way too much about things, leading to severe paranoia and sometimes a lot of pain and heartache.

Today was one of those days, where I just thought about things too much, got myself into a state, and ended up bursting into tears in front of my boss. I didn’t enjoy that very much, and now I feel like a right goose for being so paranoid and stupid. But I’m very tired and feeling the pressure, I guess. I really shouldn’t have bothered going into work today (it’s the first day of my leave).

Anyway now I’ve got home, and discovered that this girl I’ve been emailing has worked out where I work from the talks we’ve had.. not sure whether that’s a good thing or not. I guess it depends what she’s like (although she doesn’t know whether I am or not, either) 🙂

I called her this evening and she’s just called me back – we’re going for coffee tomorrow afternoon.. oh god, I’m nervous…. but she sounds kinda nice on the phone. Very happy sort of person. Hrm!