As of now, instead of referring to myself as being paranoid, I’m going to say that I’m “overthinking things” – because that’s exactly what it is.
I think to myself “I wonder what this person is thinking right now” and then I come to a conclusion, whether it’s good or bad, and then I think “but that’s not right” and I begin to go through all sorts of possible defences and explanations for situations and conversations that may not ever happen. As a result I begin to get angry, depressed, happy, or any of the other myriad of emotions that this hypothetical situation may induce, and my day could be infinitely worse or better as a result of this soap operaish drama that plays out in my head while I watch.
The problem is that firstly, these situations are hypothetical. Sometimes they never happen. Secondly, what I imagine people are thinking or what conversations will happen, quite often the situation is negative, and it sort of becomes a self fulfilling prophecy when it happens. But at least I’m prepared for it, I guess.
This is a really sort of abstract post, I know – not that I’m trying to be philosophical but I’m trying really hard NOT to think about what might or might not happen with various things in the near future – so I had to keep my brain occupied with other things. I’m not really sure if it’s working but at least I’m not getting worked up about it.
Tonight I’m going to meet a friend in town, to give her some membership forms for a couple of new Commodore Club members. Then I’m going to Devonport to get on the boat. Sometime between those two events, I’m going to call this girl and have a chat, and see how things are after the weekend.
In case you hadn’t guessed, that’s what I’m trying not to think about. Well that’s not actually quite true – I’m trying not to think about it negatively – because I’m sure everything is just fine. Surely it is. I can’t really see any reason why it wouldn’t be….