You bastards! Beaten by a single, solitary point in golden goal (sudden death.) I was disappointed!
But hey, that’s sport for you. It was a pretty average game of footy though, in a lot of ways. But I don’t think anyone needs my post-match analysis. I think it’s safe to say that if you saw the game you can make up your own mind, and if you didn’t see the game you’re probably not interested in hearing it, because you’re probably not a league fan.
I’m feeling the need to do some deeper pondering on life, the universe, and everything. There’s probably a lot of that in this blog already – indeed, it seems that it’s all I write about. Perhaps I’m self absorbed – but I don’t seem to spend a lot of time involved in deep thinking about anything else. I used to – somehow things changed. There just isn’t anyone around that stimulates my thought processes like there used to be. No meaningful conversation. Very little meaningful interaction with any human beings, in fact. It all seems rather shallow and petty these days.
Something changed – somewhere along the line, when I switched off my feelings for the rest of the world and put up the defensive walls that are keeping everyone out now. Once you put them up, it’s hard to pull them down again.
I need to find people that can help me do that – I was thinking as I got onto a plane today that I’ve been waiting for other people to come along and help me make the change; maybe that’s not the right way to be thinking. I was thinking, when I took holidays earlier this year, that maybe changing my physical perspective on things might help – sadly, it didn’t. If anything it might have made things worse.
I was thinking, as I got on that plane, that maybe some medication might help make the change – then I realised that, paradoxically, my emotional insecurity prevents me from going to see a shrink – and besides that, the last time I went to a doctor about my panic attacks and my emotional fluctuations, he really didn’t seem all that interested. Blamed it on my alcohol intake – which is my second argument for saying that medication is a waste of time. I can also come up with a third one – a living, real life example of someone who is living happily off her medication simply because she put herself in the right place and surrounded herself with the right people. I’m happy for her.
So the question is what will do the trick for me?
Life is about that journey of finding out. The problem is, right now, I’m feeling very very tired from the trip. I really hope there’s a rest area coming up soon.