UPPP Surgery – A Poo Story

I mentioned in my Day 5 post that I did a huge poo today. Well I actually wrote a couple of posts about it on a forum, and decided to cross post it here, just because. So here goes:

It’s true what they say about opiates and constipation, probably exacerbated by eating a lot less than usual. I’ve just produced (and it took some work) one of the most amazingly huge BMs in the history of log cabins. A triple flusher, as long as my forearm and almost as thick. I kid you not, it was almost Instagram worthy.

Oh seriously, it was a doozy. Like you know when the midwife is telling the mother not to push til it’s time? I was in there for like half an hour feeling this immense weight on my o-ring, but nothing was happening and I didn’t want to force it, but then all of a sudden this contraction happens and there was absolutely no control, it was time to strain. So that went on for a few very long moments, at the same time I’m trying to make sure I don’t valsalva and make my throat pop open. Then when it’s over I realise that I barely felt a thing snap off, and didn’t really hear a splash either, so I’m expecting to see these little rabbit pellets like what happens sometimes. So I look down to see something the size of a large blue tongue lizard stretching from below the waterline to half way up the bowl. I wouldn’t have thought it was anatomically possible if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.

I found some Senna laxatives after that and popped a couple. Not going through that trauma again… it’s been a rough week.