Day: 26 February 2020

Still here.

Slept part of the night horizontal for the first time since hospital. It was on the couch, but the wife heard me snoring from a couple of rooms away and I woke up with a crazy sore throat (as usual). Probably won’t do that again tonight, but there’s a cricket match at an ungodly hour so I’ll try to keep myself amused with that.

Could only manage a smoothie for breakfast, and generally feel like I underate even more than usual today – eating is still just a battle, generally. But I’ve gotta say, it’s 10 pm as I write this and today has clearly been the easiest day so far in terms of throat pain. I’ve probably felt more phlegmy than usual and have had more radiated pain in my ears than previously. But if it improves again tomorrow, I’m thinking I might be able to get into the gym and do a few light sets to get the blood flowing a bit.

That’s about it really – nothing noteworthy really happened. I did do some work from home, and emailed my boss an update on how things are going. I’m supposed to be back at work on Monday, but don’t want to go if I’m still unable to eat or talk normally. Also, I feel like this has taken more out of me than expected – I need a nap every time I take the dog for a walk! Right now I feel like I’m an 80% chance of being back on time, but thankfully they are flexible – I can do plenty from here if needed, so if I need extra time I’ll take it.

So my last post might’ve sounded like it was all rainbows and butterflies but now it’s 9 days post-surgery and my perspective has changed a bit.

The main challenge (and the one I was expecting) was the direct consequences of the surgery – I’ve been in constant pain, was off my head on opioids for the first week, struggling to get any quality sleep, and as a result of the throat pain I’ve had to modify my diet significantly and eat mainly soft foods. None of this was really unexpected, although I probably underestimated the extent and the duration of impact. It’s been a challenging ten days or so for sure, and it’s not finished yet.

There’s a secondary problem though. Eating/swallowing genuinely hurts – so it’s been a struggle to force meals down. I’ve actually burst into tears a couple of times during dinner (soup!) if that gives any indication. So I have a genuine physiological reason for undereating right now. But while I’m not really having any difficulty eating zooper doopers or custard or ice cream from a mental standpoint, I still am finding myself having fairly small serves and stopping a long way from the point of satisfaction. Sometimes it’s because I am just sick of my throat hurting, but there have definitely been times when it’s from a fear of eating ‘too much’ -because I’m far less active than usual (and not lifting) and secretly hope to drop fat during this period, and also the (maybe legitimate) fear that if I overeat and make myself sick that would probably be disastrous for the stitches in my throat…

But restriction is restriction. I actually felt woozy and weak this afternoon after walking the dog, as if I’d been dieting for weeks. I managed to eat a tiny bit of ice cream and have a nap but still feel like it wasn’t enough.

This really does suck and I can’t wait to be able to eat normally again. It’s just too much for my poor brain to deal with right now.