Finished!

Well, the novel didn’t last long.

Sydney was going just fine, until I was asked whether I’d overcome my biggest problem which we’d discussed back in March. At the time, my biggest problem was getting the respect of the staff back after spending so much time away on other projects.

Sadly, after this weeks events, the truth is that I haven’t. This resulted in a long discussion with the group – and then a private talk with the manager of our training department – who has been on the receiving end of a lot of bitching from my 2IC over the past 12 months. I’m just so sick of hearing about this shit!

I have private one on one conversations with every member of staff on a weekly basis – but instead of discussing their issues with me, they still (particularly this one person) see fit to make waves, go over my head, and generally go about things the wrong way.

It’s so frustrating, and I keep seeing signs that they don’t want me to be happy, and would much rather see me gone. Which is not going to happen as far as I’m concerned. I’ve worked too hard to get where I am, and for my own well being I need stability in my personal life – moving again will not be beneficial for me at this stage of my life and I feel like I’ve made enough sacrifices for the company that I have a right to be selfish for once.

The training manager asked whether there were issues with my personal life she should know about. It’s the best it’s ever been, and I told her so. Then she tells me they think I’m lazy??? FFS – they were all complaining that I was stressed out and horrible to them, and my 2IC was wanting more responsibility, so I took a step back and reduced my workload, so that I could train her in some areas she hadn’t been trained and so that I wasn’t so under the pump all the time. Geeze, it feels like I can’t do anything right….

I need to have a long talk to this person tomorrow and ask her to be honest with me for once in her life instead of moaning behind my back about things.

*growl*

I really feel like lashing out at the moment. People claim that they want to support me but in reality I don’t really feel that’s true at all.