And further to that original post – as of tonight I am back on the meds again.
The last few weeks have been pretty average between Clare and I – the situation with this other guy is not helping much. I’ve been trying to get over it like I told her I would but it’s not as easy as it sounds especially when she is constantly getting messages from him even while her and I were out together on Saturday night and at home on Sunday morning.
Now, after me being in tears at some point pretty much every weekend for the last 3 or 4 weeks, I walk out of her place early because I was so upset, and miss our regular Sunday dinner with her family. And today she tells me we can’t go on unless something changes.
Of course there’s more to it than that but she basically told me it’s something I need to fix otherwise we just can’t continue. And I guess I can understand that.
So it’s back on the meds for me… at least in the short term. I hate the side effects but I did feel happier when I was taking them, certainly happier than I feel now. If that’s what it takes to keep this relationship together then that’s what I’ll do. She means too much to me to lose over something like this.
And many of the things she said today echo some of the things Cas said to me years ago… she just can’t be the strong one all the time. Why haven’t I learnt from my mistakes? I have an absolutely wonderful woman here. She is just about perfect in every way. I just hope she can forgive me and we can work through this or I don’t know what I’ll do.
Or as I said to her today, I just wish I could be a different person.